working with personal hang-ups
20 April 2023
Waiting for paint to dry so I can flip it over and start work on what will be the front of this particular painting I have in mind.
I considered leaving the back as unpainted shiny foil side, but revisiting the various tests I have on my wall, but the potential of double sided colours is still strongly appealing for me. I've worked through more minimal approaches where areas of foil are left unpainted so the surroundings, and beings are able to be fleetingly a part of the painting in their abstracted distorted reflection. This is still of great interest to me and I can revisit for other paintings.
You can see I have a wall almost full of drawings now. I've been making these since January this year, as part of feeling determined to make drawing a regular part of my practice.
It's dumb, but I have personal hang-ups about drawing. Proper old school ingrained stuff about representation, technical skills etc. It's dumb because of those hangs up which I fear I'm being judged by, but also dumb because I fricking love other people’s abstract drawings. And I always say Bob Dylan has a beautiful singing voice.
Anyway... I'm aware that I feel shy and vulnerable to show my drawings. But in recognition of these feelings and the dubious reason for them being there – I'm guessing it's down to the hegemony of the white male patriarch – and how those feelings have stifled my growth, this is a powerful reason for me to face up to my angst and continue making them to see where they lead me.
Drawing gives me freedom to expand my work with colour, marks, composition, texture, lines, processes etc. So far these are A3 and A4, using acrylic paint, wax and dry pastels, and pencils. I love making them. I have deliberately incorporated them into my practice as a slower activity which allows me to listen to audiobooks and podcasts while I make them. They enable me to take in written knowledge at a faster and wider rate than I ever have. Irritatingly I am a slow reader of physical books, and beyond reading books to my kids almost every night for 10 years I've barely had any time to read adult books since becoming a parent.
Building audiobooks into my art practice is a revelation for me. I could still do with research and tips on how we learn to retain knowledge, as it often ends up muddled, but I'm not fretting about that. I have faith that it is going in, is mixing with my daily actions, thoughts, and conversations, and it is composting, at my life's pace along, with all my other inputs.
